This blog contains, but isn't limited to, graphic sexual horror, BDSM, sex, robots, science, food, rock climbing, bouldering, politics and general bric-a-brac. Not suitable for children under 18. Honestly, probably not suitable for most humans.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Non-Monogamy and my Non-Date

One thing I absolutely love about the BDSM community is that non-monogamy is not a foreign concept. I'm definitely not a swinger: the idea of having sex with multiple people for the sake of having sex doesn't appeal to me. I require a level of intimacy and caring with someone I ultimately decide to sleep with. I also don't believe I'm quite polyamorous. One of my friends, let's call zir Felis, called themselves 'polyamorish', a state of being mostly polyamorous. I considered this, but ultimately went with Celeste's, another good friend, 'monogamish', a state of mostly monogamy.

So what does this mean? Good question.

I'm in a very committed, loving relationship with Moco, whom I refer to as Daddy. We live a 24/7 lifestyle in which there is a clear D/s dynamic that has elements of a Daddy/girl dynamic. It's not traditional, definitely not old guard, but it's something we both feel comfortable in since it flows seamlessly in our lives. The average Narwhal (aka vanilla person) would have no idea.

I don't go out looking for other relationships, so, for the most part and I really don't have any intention to randomly date around. I love Daddy with my whole heart and can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love him. and I definitely wouldn't have a D/s dynamic with anyone else.

That being said, I had always been curious about non-monogamy, but growing up was told that proper relationships were always monogamous. "They don't love you/You don't really love that person," "When the right person comes along..." and "One person should be more than enough if you love them." were things I heard a lot of and never really understood. I can love a million different ways, why can't I love and foster relationships with a million different people if I so choose?

Daddy and I talk about it quite often and agreed that the best thing would be to take it slow. If I am interested in someone, genuinely interested, I could go out on dates to see if we hit it off. As long as I communicate everything with Daddy, he'll be happy. He loves me so much and is so infinitely patient. How did I get so lucky?

The problem is that years upon years of being taught that monogamy is right and everything else is wrong has made me really shy when it comes to pursuing other potential romances. So that brings me to last night's non-date on my biggest female crush to date: Daria.

This is going to sound awful, but what first attracted me to her was the non-crazy chick vibe she puts out. I've met a lot of women in the past year that I thought were beautiful, but had a bit of madness brimming behind their eyes (crazy eye syndrome is not one to be taken lightly!) so I tend to stay away. Other women in the scene have become really good friends, like indey, who happens to blog here. But no, Daria is a beautiful, intelligent, funny and genuine woman whom I absolutely adore and I was much too chicken to tell her. My fear, though, never stopped me from telling everyone else.

For a week, I had planned to have dinner with Daria. It originally started off as just a transaction; Daddy makes jute rope for Japanese-inspired bondage (aka kinbaku) and one of Daria's play partners wanted to purchase some and sent her on a mission. We decided that dinner and rope exchange would be a good idea since I would be in DC on Tuesday, kicking around museums and having lunch with my doppelganger, Bella. Just a dinner with a friend.

I told Daddy about it and that he would need to find something to do while she and I had dinner together and he jokingly said, "Damn, you're pretty pushy when you're about to go on a date." I paused in place. No, this wasn't an date, I insisted...was it? Dinner with a friend. Dinner with my crush. It's a date! No, I must be crazy, it's not a date.

For a little under a week, I fretted on whether it was a date or not. I realize that I haven't been so nervous to have dinner with someone in a long time. What should I wear? Should I pay? Should I bring her flowers? Am I ultra lame? Sadly, the only question I knew the answer to was yes: I'm as derpy as it gets.

Daria sent me a text early Tuesday asking about Daddy and her significant other, T. Double date! Which also meant it wasn't a date for her and me. A little relieved and a little disappointed, I ran around with Daddy in DC, going to museums and ice skating. When we showed up, Daria was by herself. She said T was still at work and wouldn't be able to make it.

We had a wonderful dinner with Daria. She was definitely a joy to be around. She looked particularly cute that evening, the way she styled her hair, her make-up, her super cute glasses. I probably spent most of dinner just being stupidly quiet and looking at her. and I'm sure Daddy noticed because he decided to make an announcement.

"Naga didn't know whether this was a date. She has a huge crush on you. She talks about you all the time. You should have seen her this past weekend. 'It's not a date! It's not a date!' It was kind of cute. "

Daddy has the best of intentions, but has quite the penchant to embarrass me in front of people I tend to have crushes on (he's done it to another gentleman, The Hammer, whom I have made the center of many a older man/younger girl fantasies), but later confided in me that if he didn't believe the other party was interested, he wouldn't have said anything. He's excellent at watching people, but even I don't know how true that is. I'm not so sure why I'm not confident when it comes to relationships, but I am.

Later that night, Daria tweeted this: Headed home from a lovely dinner non-date with @wtflily and Moco. Next time, it'll be a date ;)

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