Spiral, a longtime friend of mine, sent me this a few days ago.
The nerd in me recognized it instantly! Robert's Triangular Theory of Love (Thanks, minor in psychology! I know you'd help me some day!) I had briefly learned about this during my last semester of undergraduate, but don't think it was ever laid out so well. and I also never applied it to myself.
The more I spoke to Spiral about relationships, the more ze has helped me clear up some thoughts and feelings I have. Ze is probably not even aware how helpful it's been for me to text with hir daily. and this particular conversation was an eye-opener.
For a long time, I used to joke that I have "6 Week Love Disease". I can fall in love with my whole heart for about 6 weeks. No, that's not accurate. I can fall in heavy, heavy lust. When that 7th week comes around, if it's not something that has caught my attention, I'll drop it like a hot rock. It's the reason why I don't eat yogurt anymore or why there is numerous random half started projects throughout my home. It's why there's a string of lovers I never contact ever again after several weeks of fast-paced, seemingly passionate fucking.
According to Robert's theory, a lot of romantic relationships start off with just passion (aka infatuation), but feelings of commitment and intimacy will usually develop over time. I just have never felt the need to allow those other components to grow. Whether it's out of fear or laziness, I'm not sure.
In the last year or so, I realized that I don't have to have 6 Week Disease. I can want more than just passion for a short period of time, so I've grown my sickness into a 6 Week Theory or Test. I'm working on reigning in the passion (aka the horrible aching need to fuck and fuck constantly) and testing my ability to grow intimacy and commitment with new relationships. and in the last year, I can see the difference in how I develop relationships and feel about people. Yes, I still want the body, the sweat, the tears.
but yes, I also want more.