This blog contains, but isn't limited to, graphic sexual horror, BDSM, sex, robots, science, food, rock climbing, bouldering, politics and general bric-a-brac. Not suitable for children under 18. Honestly, probably not suitable for most humans.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

The Stress

I like to live my days in a constant state of stress.  No, maybe 'like' isn't the right word.  It's more like I need to live in a constant state of stress.  When my world is always on the brink of explosion, covered in deadlines, fraught with sleepless nights, that's when I churn out my best work.  I can't explain it, I don't try to understand it.  It's how it's been for years and how it's always going to be.

I know it sounds bad.   Most people opt for as stress-free life as possible.  "How can you operate?  How do you not break down?  How can you be so calm when everything is basically falling apart?"  and to be honest, I do break down.  Often.  Just like any and everyone else does.

I know my brain.  I know if I let up, it'll fail me.  I'll fail me.  At this point in my life, I refuse to fail myself.

I spent a good portion of my youth numbing my brain and ostensibly not feeling stress because...well, I wouldn't let myself feel anything emotionally or physically.  and isn't that so much worse?  I would rather be in a constant state of panic than to ever allow myself to be numb to the world.  It means I can feel.  It means I care.

Anyways, stress isn't a bad thing in my mind-  don't we all stress our bodies as rope bottoms?  Don't we all test ourselves to see what we can do?  How we break?  How we put ourselves back together?

BDSLR sent me a few images from a few weeks (or maybe months, I stopped keeping track of time when it comes to his editing ;).  All I could think of when I got the images was "Look at all this stress I'm under.  Look at me survive it."

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