December to May recap, Bondage Expo Dallas and...the future!

I know I've been pretty negligent (sidebar- does this word look strange to anyone else?) when it comes to this blog :( Life has gotten crazy, both professionally and socially.  and also, laziness plays a large part.

Work has been going through many, changes, some terrible, but most great.  Ideally, I'm up for a promotion and department change in the not too distant future.  Totally tooting my own horn here, but I deserve it.  I put in countless (and mostly thankless) hours with useless supervisors to help my team do well.  It's nice that our newest director of our department has noticed it.

As part of this newfound adultiness I've discovered, M0co and I have been preparing to....buy a house!  We're more or less pre-approved and now are just taking our time to find the perfect place.  Y'know, 2-3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms, a backyard for the pups, and a basement we can turn into a badass rope dojo/place space.  The essentials.

Since December, the kink life has been bananas.   We've been able to travel and present all over the east coast, which is kind of wild considering where we were 2 years ago.  Winterfire came and went smoothly.  It's always a great event :)  I'm really looking forward to Fusion, which is in a few weeks(!)

The highlight of the year so far, unexpectedly, was Bondage Expo Dallas.  This is going to sound so strange, but I'm not typically a fan of all bondage events.  Chalk it up to my introvertedness.  It's hard enough for me at regular events because M0co is more or less a celebrity, but in rope-centric events, he's somewhat of a demi god.  I mean, he figuratively births the ropes most people use at these things.  It's easy for him to get caught up in the attention and hype.  Not to mention that I tend to go into complete shut down mode and have an enormous mental breakdown after these events.  I usually end up breaking up with M0co, crying for three days, and rebooting.

Needless to say. I was...apprehensive.

BED was much smaller than I was expecting, which was great.  and the quality of people and education was amazing.  I had such an amazing time, I had completely forgotten I was nervous.  Dallas Kink and his crew put together a terrific event, I highly recommend it to rope-lovers.

Here are some photos from the last night at BED, taken by Dov.  M0co loves these because he thinks he looks like he's in great shape :P  Also, if you look in the background, you'll see tons of jute twine.  M0co totally did a Scrouge McDuck and rolled around on it.  I hope DK doesn't get mad >.>

I did a thing! (Pole Progression)

Like all spoiled little girls, whenever I ask Daddy for something, if I can give him a "legitimate" reason I need it, he'll almost always get it.  The excuse for a dance pole was a thinly veiled one, and actually wasn't enough to get him to want one.  So, I did what every little girl does with a job: used my own money to get it.

Unfortunately, M0co wasn't too pleased I went and did this.  "Baby, money's tight this time of year," he explained, or "You'll just stop using it after a month."  To be fair,  M0co's baseline of judgment is accurate- I do tend to start many a project to just push them literally under the living room table with my yoshi pinata and my sewing kit.  But, like a little girl begging for a puppy, I responded- "Don't worry, Daddy, I promise to use it everyday! It's not a waste of money or time! It's fun for me! and it'll be fun for you!"

To make good on my promise of it being entertaining for him, he made me dance for him several times.  He'd throw on some slow jams on Pandora, sit in Daddy's chair and just watch.  It gave me a mini thrill to be the center of his attention, even if I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing.  Every time I danced for him, it ended with me crawling the our hallway--a fistful of hair in his hand-- to be fucked roughly in bed.

I think I can safely say that M0co has grown fond of having a pole in the house :)

For the last month (the only month) of having a pole here, I've been working really hard on my basic invert.  I'm happy to say that I nailed it finally!  I guess my strength has improved greatly in the last month *flex*

My first basic invert! One month of practice

I'm happy to see progress in myself sometimes, it's easy to lose sight.  I want to say that I'll post monthly updates, but that could be the biggest lie I've ever written.  My goal currently is to at least post progress pics with a timeline.  

((Ricky Spanish))

Oh, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd!

She was a vixen when she went to school.

And though she be but little, she is fierce.

      -William Shakespeare

I'm a fairly introverted character-- I rather spend my nights at home, chained to a bed or crawling around with a bundle of rope in my mouth in an attempt to seduce M0co into playing with me.  Going to an event that isn't one that M0co is running or presenting at almost never happens.  I'm a nerd loner, often preferring to play on the internet or read a book.

but when I have rope in my hands, I become a different person.  I feel strong, charismatic, and even a bit dangerous.  I become...Ricky Spanish.

The name is actually one of the characters that Roger plays on "American Dad".  He's kind of a dirt bag human being slash alien with a mullet and vest.  Here's a small compilation from that episode:

I'm not saying I'm a complete dirt bag.  But that attitude! I know that feel, bro!  Like Roger putting on an outfit, being the top in a scene just...it does something to me.  It changes me.  I'm no longer just a 5'3" 130-something lb. little slave girl whose constant fear of rejection tends to keep me from making any moves on people of interest.  I become something else completely- a snarky, brave, little sadist who has the strength and ferocity to take what she wants, with consent, of course.

Here are some shots of ((Ricky Spanish)) in action taken at a recent event.  IrisEnchanted was nice enough to let me use her-- doesn't she make the cutest faces?

Snow Day

Well, the entire Metro area closed down yesterday for about an inch of snow.  I'm not complaining- I got the day off and got to take some pretty pictures.

It finally dawned on M0co that in order to sell his rope, he would have to sell out.  Okay, maybe not sell out per say, but he would have to cater to his clientele a little bit more than he was--he was going to have to start taking pretty pictures.  So, armed with a decently good camera and a very basic knowledge and skillset of photoshop and lighting, M0co's been making some very beautiful images.

M: Me Rigger/Rope/Photographer: M0co

M: Me Rigger/Rope/Photographer: M0co

M: me Rigger/Rope/Photographer: M0co

Look at me! In all my majesty! It was ridiculously cold with no underwear on.  Never realized how much heat genitalia produce.  Our newest room-mate, Trip, shrugged and told me in the most matter-of-fact way, "Years of evolution has ensured us warm genitalia."

It still feels like a sham to call myself a model.  I'm really just a thing that goes inside another thing-- the rope and M0co are doing all the hard work. I just have to not break for 10-15 minutes, which is pretty easy without someone hitting and choking me.

Kimono in the snow is something I've been wanting to do for a while, despite my intense hatred for all things cold and snow.  As much as I complained, I have to admit, I do like these photos.  Which is rare because I kinda hate all photos of me that aren't of me playing.

This shot was taken in my backyard more or less, in which "kids" (the person in question was over 18) were out building snow people, neighbors were locked away in their apartments, and there were puppy paw prints everywhere.  If the shots were a little wider, you could totally see the apartment complex or the townhouses.  Good thing we know how to crop the hell out of things.

Strangely fitting, I really missed having kannukis in my gote for this shoot. I know the latest trend has been to banish the evil kannuki because it tends to increase the risk of nerve damage by a lot, but...I like not falling out of a gote.

Rope Bottoming: Health

health

noun, often attributive \ˈhelth also ˈheltth\

: the condition of being well or free from disease

: the overall condition of someone's body or mind

: the condition or state of something

Ah, I love m-w.com so much- it’s really come one of my favorite websites on the internet (shhh, please don’t tell M0cojute.com!)  Above is a very basic definition of health.  In terms of rope bottoming, all three definitions are highly applicable.  I particularly like the second and third definition.

Overall, health is something that should be of high concern to everyone, not just rope bottoms.  Knowing your health status is ultra important for living day to day.  Although, it’s not quite a skill, physical and mental health is something we can all improve with a couple of tips and hints.  

So when we talk about health, generally speaking, what are we talking about?  For me, it’s important to discuss what health is NOT about.  Health is not about being thin. REPEAT, HEALTH IS NOT ABOUT BEING THIN.  I think that a lot of society and culture has it heavily ingrained in folks that being thinner means you’re automatically healthier and that couldn’t be more wrong!  The emphasis on health, when it comes to rope bottoming, has nothing to do with how much a person weighs.  It has everything to do with your lifestyle and mental state.

To me, and to several rope bottoms in my community, health is a combination of the general condition of the mind and body.  Good health for rope bottoming would have an overall positive condition; bad would be an overall negative condition.  These definitions seem pretty loose and for good reason; general health is something only you can determine of yourself.

Physical Health

My physical health is just a small fraction of my health, but is still incredibly important.  I do what I can in order to keep healthy.  Small things like staying hydrated, working out regularly, get physical check ups, and sleep.  You’d be surprised how things like actually drinking enough water or sleeping a full 8 hours a night will change how you physically (and mentally, but we’ll get to that) feel.  

I know earlier I said that preferred the second and third definitions of ‘health’ in comparison to the first- it’s because of the word ‘disease’. Yes, you should not have the flu or suddenly come down with a case of E. bola virus when bottoming in rope.  The immune system is too busy fighting off infection, why are you fighting your immune system?  When you’re sick, you should let your body rest.  The rope can always wait.

(Here comes my rant!)

My problem with the use of the word disease is that BDSM is often equated with sexuality.  Diseases equated with sexuality are STDs.  You don’t need to be free from STDs to a good rope bottom.  I have had many a rope bottom tell me, somewhat apprehensively, that they have z, y, or z STD, as if that would make me not want to play with them.  STDs have a really terrible stigma about them, as if a person is dirty or no good for having them.  It’s really no different from catching the chicken pox (No, really, look it up, varicella-zoster virus, which causes Chickenpox and Shingles, is a herpes virus.  Guess what else is a herpes virus?)   While I do appreciate when people tell me these things because it means they’re being honest, it has absolutely no bearing on their skills as a rope bottom.

(end rant, thanks for hanging on for that!)

Physical injuries are something of which to also be aware. Our play party nights often include various other forms of play that may eventually make being a rope bottom more difficult.  If I do an intense whipping scene in which my skin is broken, I probably shouldn’t do a rope scene shortly afterward.  Anything that takes a toll on the body or mind will affect your ability to bottom in rope.  Things to be cognizant about:

• What plans do I have for the rest of the night in terms of rope or other play
• Do I have any broken skin or bruises that will change how rope feels on my body
• What is my mental state like?  Am I still in headspace from a previous scene?  Will this affect my headspace in rope?

Mental Health

The overall emotional and mental state actually seem to be a bigger part of health that most people forget.  Your mental health dictates most of what you do day to day.  The difficulty of this is being able to judge your mental and emotional state in terms of playing.  It’s such an individual thing- for example, if I’m particularly upset or emotional, I love bottoming for single tails and tears, but absolutely cannot bottom in rope.  If my mind is even slightly foggy, if I think I may be slightly manic or depressed, I stay away from playing because I never know how it’ll affect my mental state.

I don’t have much advice for mental health because I am not mental health professional.  I highly recommend really getting to know yourself and being aware of how your mood affects your play and day to day life.  Things to be cognizant about:

• How am I feeling today?
• How will I feel if I have a rope scene with ____________?
• Am I prepared to handle going into a headspace?
• Am I prepared to handle it if this scene doesn’t go well?

I’m sure there are tons of other questions you can (and should!) ask yourself about.  This is a very highly individualized processed, so please do what best suits you!

Happy bottoming!

An Eye-opener: MBE Orlando

I have a lot of love/hate for performances, particularly if I'm involved in said performance.  So when we got invited to Morpheous' Bondage Extravaganza in Orlando, I had heavy reservations.  Being able to play in rope at a play party is one thing, but performing in front of people, in front of cameras, for all of the free internet to see?  I was definitely scared.  Not a little nervous, not a couple of butterflies, but full-out "I hope I don't vomit in front of everyone in The Woodshed" fears.

So why do that to myself?

M0co is an amazing rigger- everything he's learned in such a short time, but not everyone knows how skilled he is because he can't travel.  He's not a big name presenter yet.  So MBE seemed like an excellent opportunity for him to show the world what he can do.  Plus, it was a nice chance to meet other riggers and rope bottoms in the US.

Sometimes I feel like I fall short of someone as skilled as M0co is.  I don't know where or why these fears are there, or if they are fears that all rope bottoms have from time to time.  but I worry that, on stage with cameras rolling, will be the time I fail to live up to what he needs from a bottom.  and then to have to do it multiple times in a night?  I was prepared for the worst of the worst- that I wouldn't make it.  That I would have to throw in the towel and M0co wouldn't be able to get his name out there.

MBE came and went.  and I survived.

A particularly stressful hogtie by M0co

Actually, I did much more than survive.  I was able to do the three time slots we were assigned, plus two extras, one with M0co and one with Murphy Blue.  As strange as it feels to toot my own horn, I did pretty damn well. I was able to be that flexible stunt bottom that can take a crazy amount of stress and strain.  M0co even praised me at the end of the night ("You're a gangster, baby!")

I never considered myself a good bottom before, not that I thought of myself as bad.  I just...was.  When people complimented me in the past, I always just brushed it off as people being polite or I try to guide the praise towards M0co since he's doing the tying.  I never felt qualified to teach someone about bottoming and, to a certain extent, I still don't, but I do have a better understanding about what I'm capable of.  I can't wait to see how I progress in the future and I know I can only get better.

I can't wait to see how M0co and I grow :)

Rope Bottoming Skills: Endurance

en·dur·ance

noun \in-ˈdu̇r-ən(t)s, -ˈdyu̇r-, en-\

Definition of ENDURANCE1: permanence, duration <the endurance of the play's importance>2: the ability to withstand hardship or adversity; especially : the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity <a marathon runner's endurance>3: the act or an instance of enduring or suffering <endurance of many hardships>

I think it’s agreed by a majority of rope bottoms that endurance, especially in tricky or stressful positions, is a great skill to have.  Above I posted a basic definition of endurance that I lifted from m-w.com.  I think definition two and three are most applicable.  Or maybe I just really like seeing the word ‘suffering’.

I posed this question to a local rope bottom group:  How do you increase your endurance when it comes to rope?  Got any tips or tricks?

I just want to comment that my rope bottom community has some amazing bottoms with excellent insight.  The first thing I noticed in every response is that not a single person said “It’s something you either have or you don’t.”  I think it’s very easy for people to give into the idea that you’re either a good rope bottom or you aren’t.   

What I love about endurance is that it’s something that can be built up; it’s a skill that can increase with practice and time.  When I started in bondage, I didn’t have much endurance at all.  I couldn’t maintain stressful positions physically or mentally-- and yes, there is a huge mental component to endurance.  If you practice regularly, you can up your endurance in rope pretty easily.

My community came up with an awesome list of things that really have increased their time in rope.  Here are several awesome tips and tricks that seem to be helping us and I hope they help others as well.

• Stretching and exercise: Doing regular stretching, yoga and/or exercise helps improve flexibility and health.  A rope bottom doesn’t have to be gumby or all-star athlete Hope Solo, but doing stretches helps warm up the muscles and body before play.  You are more prone to injuries if you haven’t warmed up muscles beforehand.  Exercises that really help with rope bondage (especially suspension) include things that keep you off balanced, like bosu balls, exercise balls and slacklines.  These engage the same core muscles as does a really tough bondage position or suspension.  Tifereth has a whole plethora of exercises that she has demonstrated in her bottoming classes- hopefully, I will be able to put up a post (with visuals) for those interested.  I think Tifereth says it best (paraphrasing), you absolutely cannot hope that your Rigger or Rope Top can cover the deficits in you if you didn’t put work in.  A rope Top puts in hours and hours of work and practice in order to be a safe rigger- who are you to not put your share of work in as well? Yoga also has the added benefit of teaching you how to breathe in difficult positions which brings us to...
• Breathing: Breathing came up in almost every single response I saw when I posted this question.  Even and slow breathing helps keep the body and mind relaxed.  When I first started in bondage, I was notoriously bad for holding my breath and not being able to prolong a stressful tie. So keeping calm by really regulating breathing patterns is important.  Some people are good at reminding themselves to not hold their breath.  If you ever find yourself in something stressful, it’s always good to take a deep breath in and out and see if that helps.
• Practice: Practicing in rope lab mode on a fairly regular basis will help your body and mind get used to challenges.  Just like a rigger needs to practice in order to maintain or improve muscle memory and fluidity, a rope bottom needs to practice as well.  Being in lab mode also tends to keep your mind from going into a headspace/subspace because you know you’re practicing and not playing.  I try to practice several times a week, even if it’s something very simple like tying a futomomo on myself.
• Communication: Learning to communicate is high on almost everyone’s list of good bottoming skills.  Proper communication between a Top and bottom prior, during, and after play will help improve endurance and stamina.  One thing that I cannot stress enough is that asking for a readjustment in rope is not Topping from the bottom! You are being a responsible bottom by letting your Top know that something isn’t right- it’s keeping both of you safe. Communication includes:
• Communication with the Top: Aside from negotiation--which is such a big topic, it’ll probably be addressed separately-- knowing how to communicate how rope feels on your body and where is important.  Just saying “This hurts a lot!” doesn’t help your Top adjust the tie in order to make it more tolerable.  Learning to identify exactly what doesn’t feel right and expressing it clearly and calmly will do wonders for increasing your longevity in rope.
• Communication with yourself: I don’t mean talking to yourself persay- it’s more about knowing how to communicate to yourself about where pain is, what kind of pain it is, and how to handle it.  This leads into our next tip...
• Knowing Your Own Body: There should never be a question when it comes to your health at all.  Grey areas aren’t cool and it isn’t fair to you or your rope Top to come to the table without knowing everything there is to know about yourself.  Several responses included things like knowing what parts of the body are sensitive and being able to communicate that.  Key things that knowing your body will allow you to do include:
• Creating ties that are tailored to you.  Once you know your body well enough, you can work with a rigger/rope Top in order to create ties that are designed to be challenging to your endurance, but not impossible.  M0co knows I have an extremely hard time with strappados/armbinders, so he and I spent a day testing our various versions to see if there were any types of ties that were more tolerable.  We eventually found a version of strappado that I can actually tolerate.  A rope Top never wants to make a bottom feel like a failure and will be more than happy to work on building up their repertoire.  Plus, it’s kinda cool to have a tie designed specifically for you :)
• Knowing a good pain from a bad pain. or any sensation for that matter. Understanding what a good pain, a bad pain or an unusual sensation is really important for endurance and prolonging play safely.  In my opinion good pain is one that you enjoy or is tolerable.  It tends to feel pretty terrible at first, but, for lack of a better word, it tends to even out as you stay in it.  A bad pain is something that doesn’t get better with time, need immediate attention and is usually (not always) unexpected. Spiral wrote this awesome explanation of a process called compartmentalization (or fragmentation) that ze uses.

  Basically goes like this: I close my eyes, or just visually focus on nothing in particular, and instead focus on really feeling what's going on in my body. Check to feel my circulation, if anything is too tingly. I check to feel if I'm tensing up in a specific area, and focus on relaxing that area. Check to see (especially in a suspension) if one small area is taking what feels like too much weight or force, and try to adjust my body to make it more evenly distributed. Sometimes I can lean an imperceptible amount in one direction or another and it makes all the difference in the world. Taking little bits of time to focus on each of these small things helps me stay in stressful rope longer in the immediate situation, and also increases my awareness of my body so that in future play, I can recognize certain sensations and either alleviate them myself or alert my top if they become problematic.

   It's important to notice that a lot of what ze is doing is checking in with hir body and communicating with hirself in order to communicate with hir Top, if needed. _Spiral_ needs to know hir body well enough in order to do so.  I use a strategy that’s very similar: when in a stressful tie, I try to do the following:
• Figure out where the most stress/pain I’m feeling.
• Gauge on whether this is a good pain or a bad pain.  I usually determine this on whether it’s getting worse with time- a few seconds is all I need to know.
• If it’s a good pain, I breathe through it.  I use Tifereth’s method of visualizing that I am putting the pain into a box in front of me, where I can see it.  This helps keep me calm.  If it’s a bad pain, I tell my partner as calmly as I can.

I hope that these tips are helpful to those looking to increase their stamina in bondage.  Granted, these aren’t the only ways up endurance, but they are ones that are constantly coming up.  If you have any other tips or tricks, please feel free to add to this list!

Happy bottoming :)