30 Days of Kink, take 2, Day 17.

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?


Oh man…the misconceptions….THE MISCONCEPTIONS! Where do I even begin? Here is a list of misconceptions, feel free to add to this in the comments. I’ll probably keep adding to this as I see fit.

• People who engage in BDSM have psychological problems. This is so wrong on so many levels. A lot of Narwhals believe that those who identify as Master/Dominants/Tops are abusive and look for those who are weaker in order to take advantage of them and that those who identify as slaves/submissives/bottoms have a long history of abuse and tend to be push-overs. While these do exist, they majority of people you’ll meet that engage in BDSM are absolutely normal. In some ways, they are even healthier psychologically: they are able to express their sexuality and needs. Most people cannot claim that. Another myth that tends to go hand in hand with this is that those in BDSM tend to abuse drugs and alcohol. I can honestly say that at any BDSM event I’ve attended, I have never seen someone over-indulge in alcohol to the point of being drunk. Drugs are pretty much frowned upon and are strictly prohibited at events. I strongly believe that if you need drugs or alcohol in order to play or engage in BDSM, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

• All Males are Masters, all females are slaves. Ah, if you were to believe everything you see in movies, internet, and books, all BDSM relationships are hetero normative and the male is always the dominant and the female is always the submissive. This could NOT be further from the truth. The BDSM community has a healthy mix of non-hetero normative groups and couples. A few months ago, one of my favorite tumblrs featured a lesbian couple who were engaged in a power exchange relationship. I thought it was fantastically hot. Also, the internet and books would have you believe that all females in situations like this will default to being the slave. SO MUCH BS. A fair amount of those who identify as women connect more to being a Top or Dom(me). and lets not forget about switches :) They are super prevalent in the community as well.

 • BDSM is all about hurting someone. When ‘BDSM’ is mentioned, most images conjured by the mind are dark, dank dungeons, beating someone until they cry, and sex. BDSM is so much more than that; it can be a power exchange, it can be a lifestyle, and it can be completely non-sexual. My friend, EroticWetAtomic, can attest to this; she has a power exchange relationship with her fiance, but there is very little play, meaning she doesn’t get whipped or beaten by him. BDSM, to me, isn’t about pain or suffering, it’s more about the power exchange that occurs. I personally do not love being beaten - I mean, I like a good whipping every now and then and I find bruises to be sexy, but I am not typically one to enjoy being paddled or spanked. I also tend to Top in a way that is more stressful than painful. There’s also a spiritual aspect to kink (aka woo). I don’t know much about woo, but I know it’s there and very real for some kinksters.

30 Days of Kink, Take Two, Day 5.

I always start these things and forget about them. I swear, I’ll get around to answering all of these questions someday.

 Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to happen.

(triggers for non-consent) My first kinky sexual experience, eh? Oh man, looks like we’re going to have to dig through a lot of memories. Back when I was just a wee little baby naga bot, I used to date men that were much older than me. In retrospect, it was definitely not a good thing for either of us; I wasn’t emotionally mature and he was…obviously an adult who didn’t have qualms about banging a 16 year old. But that’s not the point of this. I spent most of my time in his bunker (he was in the military) and we would spend most his days off fucking, sleeping and occasionally eating. He was always a rough lover, but that worked out to his benefit - I wasn’t one for gentle sex. At this point in my life, I knew that I was kinky, but had assumed that most people weren’t and I would have to settle with slightly rough-ish vanilla sex. He definitely proved me wrong. I was in his bathroom, naked, brushing my teeth, when he barged in and threw me in the shower. I was so surprised that I didn’t put up a fight when he pushed down his boxers and peed on me. He laughed and went back to bed, while I just sat, urine soaked in his bathtub, tears beginning to form in my eyes. And before you say it, I didn't LET him pee on me, he forced me. I'm a small girl and, at the time, I was probably only about 110 lbs. Even if I had tried to fight back, I was much too small to do anything. I had a multitude of emotions run through me: anger, embarrassment, sadness but what hit me the hardest was excitement. In the end, I wasn't as angry or upset with him for peeing on me, but rather that he did it without consent. Consent became a huge concept for me and I realize that I didn’t want just anyone to use me, I wanted it to be with someone I could trust and that truly cared about me. We both knew that our relationship wouldn’t last because of the age difference, but the lack of consent really pushed it for me and I stopped seeing him promptly afterward. I’m not sure I ever really explained it to him since I was just a kid with poor communication skills. As far as I know, he probably just thinks I freaked out because he peed on me, which is only a half truth.

30 Days of Kink, Take Two

I started 30 days of kink possibly a year ago, but I think I’m going to redo it since 1) My answers have probably changed and evolved from this time last year and 2) I forgot which day I was on.  So here we go.  I've condensed Days 1 and 2 into one blog since I wrote the on my tumblr as two separate ones and I am lazy and a bunch of other adjectives.

DAY 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I don’t identify with any set role in these categories.  I feel like labeling myself any of these things automatically allows people to make basic assumptions about me that just aren’t true.  I am submissive to ONE person, that doesn’t make me submissive.  I top people I enjoy playing with, but do not desire to have a relationship outside of play, so that doesn’t make me a Dom.  I also don’t have the desire or ability to switch between being a Top or bottom with others, so I really don’t consider myself a switch.  So, for now, I am just me.

My interests in BDSM lie heavily on bondage, especially rope bondage.  I enjoy being tied and tying in a Japanese-inspired aesthetic.  I wouldn’t say I’m an amazing rope top or bottom, but I’d like to think of myself as pretty damn good.  It’s something that I’ve worked hard at with my partners.

A lot of my other interests stem from the idea of suffering, whether it’s causing suffering in others or if I’m the one suffering.  I tend to say I don’t like pain, giving or receiving.  What I really mean to say is I enjoy making someone suffer (or I enjoy suffering) and it doesn’t necessarily have to come from impact play.  Mind fucks, predicament and the like do it for me just as single tails and needles.

I also really enjoy the educational aspect of BDSM.  I like teaching safety.  People sometimes forget that all this stuff is really dangerous and, if done incorrectly, can cause a lot of damage, even death.  One of our personal favorite sayings is, “I want to hurt you, not harm you.”  Plus, you get to learn some really awesome things in kink educational classes.  Nothing is more priceless than showing your Narwhal friends an event class list and they go, “Punching in the face? Holy fuck!”

Day Two List your kinks

I would say my kinks mostly revolve around suffering and breakdown.  It’s not the crying or screaming that turns me on- it’s the point past that, the sobbing brokenness, the inability to even fight back or show signs of distress.  It’s that moment when you realize that this is going to happen whether you like it or not, so you might as well let it happen…that’s what I love the most.  All with consent, of course.

In order to achieve that, I do really love bondage.  All kinds of bondage, but I have a particular fondness for rope because of the intimacy that it requires.  It’s easy to slap a pair of cuffs on someone; it’s a bit harder to tie them up.  and it’s a process that can take as long or be as quick as you want it to be.

I am a fan of sensual bondage, the slow, sweet touches, kisses, the closeness, but it usually requires me to be with someone for which I have feelings.

I do have a fondness for needles and needleplay. I like seeing my own blood after the fact. I actually hate seeing needles being put into my skin, go figure.  The endorphin rush, for me, is my form of cheating sobriety.  Plus, I can have some really intimate experiences with needles with Daddy.  Energy pulls are pretty amazeballs.  I find absolutely nothing sexual or sensual about needles or needle play, I just think it’s a lot of damn fun.

I am not a huge huge fan of impact, but I really do love single-tails and bastinado via caning. These are probably the hottest forms of impact to me.  Stingy sensations are preferably to thuddy sensations when I bottom/play.

I absolutely love biting, hair pulling, nipple torture and other forms of intimate pain. I usually don’t let anyone, but Daddy do that to me because…well, I ain’t having sex with anyone else at the moment.

Oh, and I guess, obviously, I am into a Daddy-girl kind of relationships.  I call him Daddy because…well, it’s dirty.  Plus, I enjoy the caring undertones calling him ‘Daddy’ has rather than ‘Sir’ or ‘Master’.  That’s just me, though.  When I top, I do not use honorifics, that’s just my style.

I think that may sum up my current kinks pretty well. Woot.