Love Songs

"Love Songs" Performed by M0co and Beemo from BeemoBot! on Vimeo.

Again, sometimes I forget how lucky I am.  In six short years, I've had the chance to share the stage with world class riggers and rope bottoms and last May was no exception.  Opening for Hajime Kinoko and Ika-chan was really one of the highest moments for Moco and myself.  Kinoko-san may be one of the biggest influences when it comes to Moco's rope style, even if it's not really evident.  We spent the earliest years of our relationship watching low-res videos of his Cyber Rope performances, pausing and replaying various transitions in hopes to unraveling some of the magic that is Kinoko's stage presence.

This performance was a bit different for us: everyone's used to the very show-boat-y, larger than life attitude that Moco and I bring.  I think it may have caught a couple people off guard, but I think this may be one of our most beautiful shows to date.  In the very least, it felt to be the most intimate and, for me, that's what rope is really about.

Many thanks to Rigger Jay for recording and editing this performance for us.

The Stress

I like to live my days in a constant state of stress.  No, maybe 'like' isn't the right word.  It's more like I need to live in a constant state of stress.  When my world is always on the brink of explosion, covered in deadlines, fraught with sleepless nights, that's when I churn out my best work.  I can't explain it, I don't try to understand it.  It's how it's been for years and how it's always going to be.

I know it sounds bad.   Most people opt for as stress-free life as possible.  "How can you operate?  How do you not break down?  How can you be so calm when everything is basically falling apart?"  and to be honest, I do break down.  Often.  Just like any and everyone else does.

I know my brain.  I know if I let up, it'll fail me.  I'll fail me.  At this point in my life, I refuse to fail myself.

I spent a good portion of my youth numbing my brain and ostensibly not feeling stress because...well, I wouldn't let myself feel anything emotionally or physically.  and isn't that so much worse?  I would rather be in a constant state of panic than to ever allow myself to be numb to the world.  It means I can feel.  It means I care.

Anyways, stress isn't a bad thing in my mind-  don't we all stress our bodies as rope bottoms?  Don't we all test ourselves to see what we can do?  How we break?  How we put ourselves back together?

BDSLR sent me a few images from a few weeks (or maybe months, I stopped keeping track of time when it comes to his editing ;).  All I could think of when I got the images was "Look at all this stress I'm under.  Look at me survive it."

Not-so-Imposter-Syndrome (AKA BED2016)

"Impostor syndrome describes a situation where someone feels like an impostor or fraud because they think that they have duped the people around them, their boss for example, into believing that their accomplishments are of a high calibre, but in fact believe that their accomplishments are nowhere near as good as the praise or promotions they are accorded based on those accomplishments. They have a fear of being "found out" one day to be lacking the skills and intelligence they are perceived to have. Usually, their accomplishments are just as good, and the person is applying an unfairly high standard to themself (and not to others). It's especially common in fields where people's work is constantly under review by talented peers, such as academia or Open Source Software, or taking on a new job." (Geek Feminism Wiki) 

I don't know if you know this about Moco or myself, but we suffer from SEVERE imposter syndrome.  We're still waitng for the day when everyone opens their eyes and realizes, "Hey...you know what?  They're not that good...at all, why do we keep bringing them around?" At first, we were excited about it, like we were getting away with something bad, but the longer we continue to be around, the more the paranoia developed.  Why?  Why were we allowed to even be in the same space as our more talented peers?

This is particularly true when we end up at rope-centric cons, like Bondage Expo Dallas (BED).  BED has quite the reputation for bringing out the big guns, a veritable who's who of rope.  And yet somehow, viola! Here be Moco and Beemo.  Like....what???  How could we even deserve to be listed on the same shirt as international presenters whose teaching experience is longer than our actual relationship? We're just a couple of no-good scrubby kids from Charm City, making the joint a million times less classy with our rap music and our brass knuckles and my Lilo and Stitch cosplay (more on that in a future post, probably).

But BED came and went like a blur and I actually felt...not so imposter-y.  and I don't know why.  Come Sunday at 6 pm, I felt like I was a real presenter for once.  and now just because BED really knows how to care for their presenters, which is all too rare in today's world of BDSM conferences and events.  I felt like I actually knew what I was talking about, that the entire class was engaged.  and maybe even more importantly, they were enjoying themselves the entire time. and it felt so good.  I'm hoping I'll always feel that way when we present or perform, but I'm pretty sure the feeling of non-imposter-ism is fleeting.

I'm told imposter syndrome is a fairly normal occurrence, that everyone feels like they haven't deserved whatever accolades they've received.  I wonder how they handle it.

BED2016 Wishlist

I can't believe a year has gone by already and we're quickly approaching another BED! I have a couple of wishes for this year's event, many pretty similar (exactly identical?) to the post I made last year!

• If you see me and recognize me (or don't recognize me, but think I would be interesting to speak to), please come say hi. I'm horribly awfully shy and anxious at large events and I often hide behind M0co or a group of close friends. I'd like to be able to leave BED this year meeting and having a conversation with at least 5 new people.
• If we haven't met, please ask to touch me beforehand. Nuff said.
• If you say hi to M0co, please also say hi to me. 9 times out of 10, people will go out of their way to introduce themselves to M0co and ignore me. I don't think most people are doing it purposefully and, to be fair, I often don't want to interrupt a conversation with the whole, "HI, I AM ALSO HERE. HI." It would mean a lot to me for someone to just to say hi, even if you don't really want to talk to me.
• Please ask me questions during class! I'm more than just a demo bottom. If you have questions from the inside the rope perspective (or as a top that tends to be smaller than their bottom) please don't hesitate to ask. I can't help you if you don't ask questions :)
• I am currently looking to expand my bottoming perspective. I am pretty bad about asking people to play- I think I've asked a few, but if tying me seems like something that wouldn't suck for you, please don't hesitate to ask. Also, if I say no, please respect that. I also like bottoming for things besides rope (!), so if you have other interests, please shoot me a message.
• As for topping, I am currently only topping those with whom I have some kind of relationship with- usually this means I've either met them or have spoken to them enough to feel like I would be comfortable playing with them.

See you all in BED ;)

Processing. Trust. Idiocy.

"So, I wanna try something dumb, but I wanna try this dumb thing on someone I trust to tell me if it's too dumb."

It's not a sentence most people hear often, but I feel like it's a fairly regular exchange I have with Meymoon (aka Tegoiss), a seemingly overnight rope top sensation from the DMV.  I've been lucky to watch his exponential growth in rope in his short time being in public kink.  His dedication to bondage is something to behold.

His dedication to making sure I remember he's a sadist on every possible level is also something to behold.  Beyond just bondage, he mostly taunts me with food and idea of not sharing it with me.   A foodist, if you will.  Anything from keeping pizza and matcha kit-kats away from me to telling me how much he hates avocado, nothing is too sacred in my life for him to try to use against me.  But he's also been a great sounding board, someone I can text sporadically throughout the day to ask questions about quesadillas, or check in when I'm feeling the inevitable drop from playing too hard.

Rope, kink- it's a trust game.  For me, it's probably one of the hardest parts of kink.  It's hard for me to develop that level of trust for most people, which is why the pool of people for whom I'll bottom for is pretty much still in the single digits, despite being a million kink years old.  I have to really trust someone beyond a normal amount of trust if they're planning on stringing me up and tossing me around.

I'm not really sure what caused the little switch in my brain to flip from "don't trust" to "trust", but it's been that way for a while and I couldn't be happier with my friendship and play with Meymoon.

and if I can trust someone to taunt me with food, I can trust them unequivocally. So, when approached with the idea of trusting in something dumb, I was all for it.

Sometimes, I have the strangest FOMO (fear of missing out) because while we labbed/played, I remember thinking "Man, I am so envious I can't see what's happening, I really want to learn."  I couldn't really tell you what happened, but it hurt. In the best way possible.  I flipped through some of the images and still don't really understand what I'm looking at.

I got some pretty neat shots and I edited them poorly.  Because not a photographer or editor.

Offering Private Lessons!

Photography by: TwistedView

Now that Mocojute Laboratories is up and running, Moco and I are offering private rope lessons.  Located in Frederick, MD, Mocojute laboratories a private rope studio, perfect for teaching tops and bottoms alike.

The structure of our private lessons tends to be a little open-ended.  We generally start by asking both the top and bottom (yes, there's a lot of bottom education that occurs in our private lessons) what experiences they have had in rope.  From there, we work together to figure out the best way to go about the lesson to help achieve everyone's goals.

We often teach our private lessons in Moco's style of tying and my style of pain processing.  This by no means is the only style available and we definitely do not believe that our way is the ONE TWUE WAY to tie or bottom, but if our style is something that interests you, please contact us for private lesson info.

Mocojute Laboratories!

About 2 months ago, Moco  made the big move to leasing his own space to create personal rope studio in which he could go whenever he wanted to make rope, do rope, rope rope...rope.  I remember him texting and calling me- he was incredibly excited and he wanted me to be there with me when he went to go sign the lease.

When I was first there, the space was, to put it mildly, was an absolute train-wreck,  There were leaks everywhere, a very suspect smell of possibly dead animals, no plumbing or electricity, and I honestly 100% believe that the landlord was a level-1 hoarder.  The warehouse had accumulated so much garbage and crap--a pile of tires, parts of kitchen fixtures, a babydoll's head--that I couldn't imagine what it would look like cleaned up and empty.

I have to give it to Moco and his landlord- they were able to get all the stuff out, clean up the floors, fix the plumbing and electricity.  The space really started to show a lot of potential to being a great space for Moco to make rope.  and it was also starting to show potential for something else...

 Ropework: Moco, rope provided by Knot_Head Nylon

Too lazy to Update

Have a picture instead.  Shot taken by Moco.  Ropework done by Moco.  Bound in Wykd Moco.  Rope can be purchased on Mocojute.com.

Hopefully, the next time I update, I will have a video of our performance from when we opened for Nawashi Kanna and Kagu Ra.  Looking forward to it!

My Ropelationship with Murphy Blue

I had meant to write this originally about 2 years ago, when I first was tied by Murphy Blue, the dynamic and passionate rigger from NYC, but I felt like I didn't have the words to express it properly.  Again, last year, after playing at BED, I wanted to write, but my brain wouldn't cooperate with my feelings.

It's now a year later, and I'm wondering if this task is impossible.  Murphy and I played again, a year later, at BED, and it was long overdue.  I've thought about a million ways to describe the intensity, the intimacy, but I kept coming short.  At first, I thought it was because I am a poor writer- nothing I tapped into this little text window seemed to be fitting, nothing seemed to capture the moment the way it was.  I think this might be my fourth or fifth attempt to just describe BED2015 with Murphy.  I'm just not that talented.

But as I'm writing this, I think I finally have realized that the reason I have such a hard time writing anything is because I don't want to share those experiences, those stolen moments I share with Murphy.  It's selfish, really.  There's something very extraordinarily personal when he ties me and I just can't quite bring myself to let the world into my brain and heart when it comes to my rope-lationship with the one and only BlueRisk.

I will say that Murphy was the first person I trusted besides Moco to tie me more than once- and he never failed to live up to that trust.  He's someone I felt like I didn't have to guard myself to, to protect my feelings and emotions from.  And anything I've ever given to him always seemed to comeback tenfold.  It really just more than bottoming to Murphy, more than just being in his rope. It's like being enveloped in the best story, a beautifully written novella, created just for you.

This post feels like it's ending on a weird note, but that's because it's not ending.  Like my ropelationship, it's just beginning to start.  

BED2015 Wishlist!

BED is right around the corner and I have a wishlist!

• If you see me and recognize me, please come say hi. I'm horribly awfully shy and anxious at large events and I often hide behind M0co or a group of close friends. I'd like to be able to leave BED this year meeting and having a conversation with at least 5 new people.

• If we haven't met, please ask to touch me beforehand. Nuff said.

• If you say hi to M0co, please also say hi to me. 9 times out of 10, people will go out of their way to introduce themselves to M0co and ignore me. I don't think most people are doing it purposefully and, to be fair, I often don't want to interrupt a conversation with the whole, "HI, I AM ALSO HERE. HI." It would mean a lot to me for someone to just to say hi, even if you don't really want to talk to me.

• Please ask me questions during class! I'm more than just a demo bottom for our classes. If you have questions from the inside the rope perspective (or as a top that tends to be smaller than their bottom) please don't hesitate to ask. I can't help you if you don't ask questions :)

• I am currently looking to expand my bottoming perspective. I am pretty bad about asking people to play- I think I've asked a few, but if tying me seems like something that wouldn't suck for you, please don't hesitate to ask. Also, if I say no, please respect that. I also like bottoming for things besides rope (!), so if you have other interests, please shoot me a message.

• As for topping, I am currently only topping those with whom I have a personal relationship. That usually means someone I've met at least once and have conversations with. I just feel safer that way and it allows me to figure out if I am compatible with a person. If you fit into that category, let me know :)

See you guys in BED ;)

The Perfect Suffer

I've never been good at 'faking it', the 'it' being subjective to whatever situation I happen find myself.  I was never big on faking orgasms, I'm often horribly blunt about how I feel about a person much to the chagrin of M0co, my parents, AND my therapist, I don't like playing weird games.  If I'm up during a manic episode, you'll know it.  If I'm trapped in crippling depression, you'll also probably notice it (although in those cases, I do try to fake it until I make it.)

So why should my suffering during play be any different?

Last weekend, M0co and I headed up to Philly again to celebrate the birthday of a friend of ours.  It was a small, quiet little get together, with only one or two familiar faces.  Most of the people there were new to me.  It's kind of fantastic to be able to escape to a place where you aren't forced to work, and yes, almost all play parties have turned into work since M0co LLC'd.  Just a few friends and a few more strangers.

It wasn't an actual play party, but there was a hard point set up, so we decided to take advantage of a rare opportunity to actually play and not feel like we were performing.  So M0co did what he does best: he makes me suffer for him.  It wasn't showy or perfectly executed, but that's how we like it.  We shared a moment of honesty and intimacy, connecting with rope and each other.

Strangely, I get a lot of compliments on my suffering, like I'm doing an exceptional job at being distressed and hurt.  I joke about my 'suffer face' and say something along the lines of, "Thanks! I made it myself!" or I just redirect the compliments somewhere else.  It's always uncomfortable to me when people are praising me for something I'm not intentionally working on.  Or maybe I just really suck at accepting praise, blame my very Asian upbringing where doing exceptionally well is doing your job.

Sometime during all the celebration and complements that night, it finally occurred to me that people can tell when you're faking it in a scene, regardless of how amazing the acting may be.  The over exaggerated sigh, the too perfectly time wince- it's amazing how these things can turn a beautiful playtime into something grotesque.  but it happens all the time.  I blame photography. 100%.

Because how can anyone truly know you're suffering without the absolute perfect image of you pouting, lips curled just so, with your eyes shining with the threat of tears? People are constantly striving for The Perfect Suffer,that they forget to actually...you know, suffer.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love photos.  I enjoy setting up photo shoots and I even don't hate photos of myself when taken during play.  I think the problem lies in everyone thinking they NEED to have The Perfect Suffer.  Whether it's to prove their Domliness (hey, everyone does it), or their submissiveliness, everyone's always chasing this perfect image around.  The problem is, in trying to re-create and force The Perfect Suffer, you just get...ashes.

The Perfect Suffer has nothing to do with how your hair falls in a certain way, or the obvious strain in your body.  I think The Perfect Suffer is when you are the most honest with yourself and you let yourself be lost in the moment.

DomWithLens, possibly one of the most talented photographers I know, is a big fan of catching 'moments' as opposed to taking photos from a shoot, and sent me a couple of incredible images.  I'm always excited to see what he's captured and so far, he hasn't let me down.

Photography by DomWithLens
Rope is M0coJute

Work, Weddings, The Woodshed and other things that start with W

I am getting increasingly bad at updating my blog.  A lot of it had to do with vanilla world- I was working a job that had me in a lab almost 12 hours a day, 5 days a week.  On weekends, I'd spend it working at kink events and parties.  I didn't give myself much time to breathe, let alone blog.  It finally reached a breaking point and I knew I needed to make some changes.

I switched into a new department at work, one that is aimed towards R&D and validation of protocols instead of working with production.  The amount of stress that took off my shoulders has been incredible.  I'm working just as hard, with less hours and more pay.  In fact, I've learned more in the last 3 weeks of being in this new department than I have at the almost 2 years with the old department.  What's not to love?

I'm not sure if most people knew this, but I was married previous to joining the BDSM world- I had a vanilla husband when I met M0co.  It's funny because while most people try to hide their kink lives from the vanilla world, I was doing the exact opposite.  Our marriage wasn't one based on sexual attraction. and eventually, it came time for us to part.  Our divorced was finalized at the end of Jan 2015.  L, my now-ex-husband, and I are still friends and we're very happy for one another.

Since my divorce was finalized, it meant that I was free to marry M0co now.  He's been waiting patiently for over 2 years and when the divorce papers finally arrived, he was probably more ecstatic than I was.  He texted me all day, making plans.  It finally came down to two of the most important texts I'll ever receive in my life:

M0co: Let's get married this weekend :)
M0co: I don't want to waste any more of my life not calling you my wife

Who says romance is dead?

On Feb 7, 2015, M0co and I eloped in Las Vegas.  I had this huge amazingly detailed post planned, but, in the end, the post just didn't feel...right.  M0co and I never have made a big deal out of the major milestones in our life- no collaring ceremony, no huge announcements of our engagement.  It's fitting that we did a quicky marriage in a place known for its incredible amounts of sin.

Since we did such a tiny wedding, there were no real photos taken.  We did take a bunch of selfies and live tweeted a bit:

We did, however, celebrated M0co jute style:

Winterfire occurred this past weekend.  This is the first time in,,,pretty much ever, in which I decided to put out into the Universe that I would like to bottom to other people.  I was blessed to have friends respond and this year my Winterfire experience was incredibly different than any I've ever been to.  I'm still processing the event and hopefully will have a writing about it soon.

FIRE in Orlando is coming up- I've managed to stretch out our stay in Florida a bit longer so we can enjoy the weather and spend times with our friends down at The Woodshed.  Events tend to burn me out since we do a lot of teaching, I'm happy to be able to pace myself and recover in someplace warm and with good friends.  I plan on treating our extra few days in Orlando as a mini-honeymoon for M0co and myself.  I'm not so sure he pictures it that way, though :P

July Recap aka I'm lazy, so here's a short post and photo

The last few weeks have been crazy for M0co and myself.  We've been out of town almost every weekend, doing some rope related.  It's kind of wild how much my life has changed since joining the kink community.  I went from doing absolutely nothing on the weekends to traveling all over the US, sharing something I'm truly passionate about.

In the beginning of July, M0co and I headed out to Cincinnati to teach our first weekend long intensive.  I had a bit of anxiety- but because of teaching, but because M0co had....SHINGLES. He was incredibly sick, in tons of pain, and totally still able to teach.  He's an amazing man.  

The kind folks at Cinci were amazing- they were completely teachable (!), and so eager to learn.  I'm hoping they were able to get some useful info out of the intensive, whether it was an actual skill or just a concept.  Or maybe a renewed love of rope bondage.

M0co and I also got to spend some time up with Mataleao and WickedBlueGlow in NJ while we were teaching at The Floating World.  The event itself was pretty lackluster for me (I have the worst anxiety at cons sometimes), but I thoroughly enjoyed spending some quality time with great people.  ML and WBG are definitely stand up people and I couldn't explain what great hosts they were.  I did complain a lot (hey, it's in my nature), but Mataleao was totally cool with it, and rolled with the punches.  I really appreciated his off the cuff sense of humor and his biting wit.  Always a good time.

Instead of having a relaxing weekend, M0co decided to call up Robert Neroni (SiRoberto on FL) and set up a photoshoot.  We've worked with Robert in the past and the results were absolutely stunning.  He's one of the most talented photographers I've met and M0co had a very specific reason for wanting to use him.  For the past year, M0co has wanted to get a full back piece tattoo done and he decided that he wanted it to be an image of me tied up.  He toyed with a million different concepts and themes before he finally had the perfect vision.

In the end, M0co wanted to have a Japanese inspired/influenced tattoo, so he had me bring several kimono.  Robert helped with the aesthetics and ended up doing a very simple partial suspension.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but this was the result:

Ropework: M0co
Photographer: Robert Neroni
Rope: M0co Jute

Robert and M0co make beautiful collaborations, don't they?  It feels weird to say that about myself, but I do love this image.  I don't consider myself a model or even beautiful in that conventional ideal of beauty, but this photo is incredible to me.  I think between watching actual models that M0co shoots with and all of those episodes of America's Next Top Model, I was able to pull myself together well enough to get a great shot.

I can't wait to see how this translates into a tattoo.  M0co's first session is on Monday with tattoo artist Larry Hardesty of Black Lotus Tattoo.  Check out his work here.

Pre-Fusion

It's about that time again, folks.

Tomorrow starts my weekend mini-vacation and it's taking place at Ramblewood--or as many other kinksters lovingly refer to it as, home.  It's time for Dark Odyssey's Fusion, a crazy week-long kinky camping event full of education, play, and all around craziness.

M0co and I are decidedly not 'outdoorsy', so we are going to get a hotel :D so yay for vacations!

Somehow we managed to trick everyone into thinking letting us teach is a great idea, so we'll be doing four different classes:

1. Making Natural Fiber Jute Rope: this class is mostly M0co teaching and me standing there and making sure no one accidentally sets themselves on fire
2. Basic chest harnesses: Hopefully we can squeeze in a hands-free harness, 2 rope TK, and if there's time, 3 rope TK
3. A Dynamic hip harness: Formerly known as The Kinoko-ish Hip harness, we ended up changing the name because it's actually nothing like Kinoko-san's hip harness.  We're thinking about calling it 'the best damn hip harness EVER'
4. Fluid Strappado for limited mobility- the limited mobility refers to rope bottoms with limited upper body flexibility.

I'm really excited about teaching the last class.  It's something that really hits home for me and I think the fact I connect so deeply with this class makes for better learning :)

I plan on doing quite a bit of yoga and working out while at camp, especially early in the mornings.  I'm not sure if I'm entering a manic phase, but I have been waking up fairly early and getting to work earlier and earlier than I had been.  I just know I'll be awake at 7 am, and I really don't want to bother M0co.  He's going to need his sleep between all the classes, sex, and play.

Time to finish up packing and get some shut eye :)

Here's a photo from a photoshoot I did recently with M0co.  It turned out super pretty :)

December to May recap, Bondage Expo Dallas and...the future!

I know I've been pretty negligent (sidebar- does this word look strange to anyone else?) when it comes to this blog :( Life has gotten crazy, both professionally and socially.  and also, laziness plays a large part.

Work has been going through many, changes, some terrible, but most great.  Ideally, I'm up for a promotion and department change in the not too distant future.  Totally tooting my own horn here, but I deserve it.  I put in countless (and mostly thankless) hours with useless supervisors to help my team do well.  It's nice that our newest director of our department has noticed it.

As part of this newfound adultiness I've discovered, M0co and I have been preparing to....buy a house!  We're more or less pre-approved and now are just taking our time to find the perfect place.  Y'know, 2-3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms, a backyard for the pups, and a basement we can turn into a badass rope dojo/place space.  The essentials.

Since December, the kink life has been bananas.   We've been able to travel and present all over the east coast, which is kind of wild considering where we were 2 years ago.  Winterfire came and went smoothly.  It's always a great event :)  I'm really looking forward to Fusion, which is in a few weeks(!)

The highlight of the year so far, unexpectedly, was Bondage Expo Dallas.  This is going to sound so strange, but I'm not typically a fan of all bondage events.  Chalk it up to my introvertedness.  It's hard enough for me at regular events because M0co is more or less a celebrity, but in rope-centric events, he's somewhat of a demi god.  I mean, he figuratively births the ropes most people use at these things.  It's easy for him to get caught up in the attention and hype.  Not to mention that I tend to go into complete shut down mode and have an enormous mental breakdown after these events.  I usually end up breaking up with M0co, crying for three days, and rebooting.

Needless to say. I was...apprehensive.

BED was much smaller than I was expecting, which was great.  and the quality of people and education was amazing.  I had such an amazing time, I had completely forgotten I was nervous.  Dallas Kink and his crew put together a terrific event, I highly recommend it to rope-lovers.

Here are some photos from the last night at BED, taken by Dov.  M0co loves these because he thinks he looks like he's in great shape :P  Also, if you look in the background, you'll see tons of jute twine.  M0co totally did a Scrouge McDuck and rolled around on it.  I hope DK doesn't get mad >.>

Rope Bottoming: Health

health

noun, often attributive \ˈhelth also ˈheltth\

: the condition of being well or free from disease

: the overall condition of someone's body or mind

: the condition or state of something

Ah, I love m-w.com so much- it’s really come one of my favorite websites on the internet (shhh, please don’t tell M0cojute.com!)  Above is a very basic definition of health.  In terms of rope bottoming, all three definitions are highly applicable.  I particularly like the second and third definition.

Overall, health is something that should be of high concern to everyone, not just rope bottoms.  Knowing your health status is ultra important for living day to day.  Although, it’s not quite a skill, physical and mental health is something we can all improve with a couple of tips and hints.  

So when we talk about health, generally speaking, what are we talking about?  For me, it’s important to discuss what health is NOT about.  Health is not about being thin. REPEAT, HEALTH IS NOT ABOUT BEING THIN.  I think that a lot of society and culture has it heavily ingrained in folks that being thinner means you’re automatically healthier and that couldn’t be more wrong!  The emphasis on health, when it comes to rope bottoming, has nothing to do with how much a person weighs.  It has everything to do with your lifestyle and mental state.

To me, and to several rope bottoms in my community, health is a combination of the general condition of the mind and body.  Good health for rope bottoming would have an overall positive condition; bad would be an overall negative condition.  These definitions seem pretty loose and for good reason; general health is something only you can determine of yourself.

Physical Health

My physical health is just a small fraction of my health, but is still incredibly important.  I do what I can in order to keep healthy.  Small things like staying hydrated, working out regularly, get physical check ups, and sleep.  You’d be surprised how things like actually drinking enough water or sleeping a full 8 hours a night will change how you physically (and mentally, but we’ll get to that) feel.  

I know earlier I said that preferred the second and third definitions of ‘health’ in comparison to the first- it’s because of the word ‘disease’. Yes, you should not have the flu or suddenly come down with a case of E. bola virus when bottoming in rope.  The immune system is too busy fighting off infection, why are you fighting your immune system?  When you’re sick, you should let your body rest.  The rope can always wait.

(Here comes my rant!)

My problem with the use of the word disease is that BDSM is often equated with sexuality.  Diseases equated with sexuality are STDs.  You don’t need to be free from STDs to a good rope bottom.  I have had many a rope bottom tell me, somewhat apprehensively, that they have z, y, or z STD, as if that would make me not want to play with them.  STDs have a really terrible stigma about them, as if a person is dirty or no good for having them.  It’s really no different from catching the chicken pox (No, really, look it up, varicella-zoster virus, which causes Chickenpox and Shingles, is a herpes virus.  Guess what else is a herpes virus?)   While I do appreciate when people tell me these things because it means they’re being honest, it has absolutely no bearing on their skills as a rope bottom.

(end rant, thanks for hanging on for that!)

Physical injuries are something of which to also be aware. Our play party nights often include various other forms of play that may eventually make being a rope bottom more difficult.  If I do an intense whipping scene in which my skin is broken, I probably shouldn’t do a rope scene shortly afterward.  Anything that takes a toll on the body or mind will affect your ability to bottom in rope.  Things to be cognizant about:

• What plans do I have for the rest of the night in terms of rope or other play
• Do I have any broken skin or bruises that will change how rope feels on my body
• What is my mental state like?  Am I still in headspace from a previous scene?  Will this affect my headspace in rope?

Mental Health

The overall emotional and mental state actually seem to be a bigger part of health that most people forget.  Your mental health dictates most of what you do day to day.  The difficulty of this is being able to judge your mental and emotional state in terms of playing.  It’s such an individual thing- for example, if I’m particularly upset or emotional, I love bottoming for single tails and tears, but absolutely cannot bottom in rope.  If my mind is even slightly foggy, if I think I may be slightly manic or depressed, I stay away from playing because I never know how it’ll affect my mental state.

I don’t have much advice for mental health because I am not mental health professional.  I highly recommend really getting to know yourself and being aware of how your mood affects your play and day to day life.  Things to be cognizant about:

• How am I feeling today?
• How will I feel if I have a rope scene with ____________?
• Am I prepared to handle going into a headspace?
• Am I prepared to handle it if this scene doesn’t go well?

I’m sure there are tons of other questions you can (and should!) ask yourself about.  This is a very highly individualized processed, so please do what best suits you!

Happy bottoming!

I'm bad at updates

Here's a picture from Fetfest 2012.  Photo taken by Fetlife's TwistedView.