[Insert Semi-Depressing Title Here]

My love for this blog is quickly dying; I'm starting to really dislike the fact that blogspot seems to want to get rid of my photos, even the ones that have no nudity in it.  'Sup with that, blogspot?  Why you hatin'?  There's a good chance I may end up switching blogging sites if this keeps up.  Everyone keeps recommending Wordpress, I might have to check it out.

Aside from that, my days are kind of a messy jumble of work and doing stuff to get ready for some major rope events in the area.  Aside from some intensives that Cannon and Tifereth are doing this month, M0co has decided that he wants to throw a larger than usual rope education slash party day called 'Rope Mecca'.  I've been trying to lock down tons of logistics for him, but, as many folks know, trying to organize and herd kinky folk is akin to herding cats.  It's damn near impossible.  Plus, I'm highly allergic to cats.

I haven't had a lot of time to really sit and process my own thoughts and feelings and it's starting to really show.  I wish I had the vocabulary to accurately put down what I'm feeling but, it's just so damn hard right now.  It's days like this that I want to blog the most and think, "I probably shouldn't, it'll be quite a boring and depressing read."

Instead, I pose a random question to everyone out there in internet world: How important is your happiness to you in relation to someone else?  Not just anyone else, but someone you love for deeply?  Without getting into too many details, I'm struggling with finding a balance.

How does one find balance?

Grove Lane Studio's "Decadent and Dark Day of Photography"

Last Sunday, Grove Lane Studios held it's second photography day.  It consists of allowing photographers access to tons of models and kinky situations.  M0co, of course, was asked to come tie up models and make them all pretty for photos.

He did a great job, like always.  One of the girls seemed to genuinely be into it, in fact.  It took quite a bit for me to work on my jealousy, but I think, in the end, I was able to remind myself that M0co loves me and this is his job.  and it also helped that he made it a bit more mechanical since these girls were pretty much strangers to him.  Once I got over the initial insecurity ("They're prettier than I am...they're thinner than I am..."), I was able to actually enjoy the beauty of what M0co can do with rope and a body.

Interestingly, M0co somehow convinced Grove Lane to let me be a model- he told them if they wanted authentic, energy driven rope work and suspension work, he needed to use someone he knows extremely well (M0co didn't suspend any of the models because they had never been in rope before.)  He told me to bring my kimono and throw on some make-up and see what we could do.

I don't know what I'm doing with make-up.  Like...at all.  If anyone has make-up tips, suggestions, or basic how-tos, please share!

It didn't feel like a photoshoot; it felt like we got to play with photographers around.  It reminded me of all those Osada Steve videos I have where we can watch Osada Steve tie, but can hear the camera shutters in the background.  It was a completely different experience.

One of the photographers, Fetlife's DescreetPhotog, sent M0co some photos already and he fell in love with them.  I have yet to see what the other photographers came up with, but I'm pretty excited about it.

Here's a shot or two from DescreetPhotog:

I really like how this photo captures out dynamic.  It's rare we get photos with both of us together - M0co's usually operating a cracked cell phone.  Plus, wearing even a little bit of make-up really changes a photo.  I'm glad I forced myself to do so.

Experimenting with Synthetics

We recently procured some glow in the dark polypropylene rope from Harbor Freight.  We wanted to actually see what tying with something other than jute would be like.  It was definitely...an experience.

Two weeks ago, we headed to Perv and a Half Studios and experimented with the synthetic ropes.  I know that we were planning on bringing it to DO:Fusion so we can do black light rigging.  We learned a couple of really valuable lessons that day:

Synthetic rope burns super...fucking fast.  Daddy is one who typically likes to rig really quickly, but he had to slow his pace waaaaaaaaaay down to prevent burning his hands and myself.  I was really relieved to have clothes on (for once)

Synthetics have quite a bit of stretch.  Under the same tensions, the same ties done in jute would have been extremely snug and secure.  I could feel the synthetic loosening on me and there was a bit of bounce when I was in the air.  It was a totally new sensation. Me no likey.

It's not like we didn't already know these lessons, but we had never actually experienced them before since M0co has never tied with anything BUT jute.  I guess it has been a while since I owned shoes with laces...

Here are some photos taken by our friend, LePetitChaton.

Overall, it felt as if I had cheated on a loyal, loving partner with his younger, flashier sibling.  

Impact of Memphis, Here We Come!

I haven't updated in a while...life's been kind of strange recently.  In vanilla world, I have a full time day job now.  That stops me from being able to write in my dirty little blog because sites with adult content are prohibited.  I do love working, though.  Feels nice to not be a scrub.

Daddy has been busily making jute rope; it's become quite popular with riggers in the states.  We're selling something like 3-7 sets of rope a week :)  The extra income is very welcome.  It's actually gotten to the point where I asked Daddy to quit his actual job and make rope full time.  He's really considering it and will probably make a decision by next weekend.  He says it requires a lot of trust in his partner (meaning me) in order for him to do something like this.  I take that as a good sign :)

This Easter weekend, Daddy and I will be in Memphis to do our first out of state performance.  I'm not sure why it makes me so nervous to know it's a performance: it's something I've done a million times at play parties in the area.  Just the idea that people will have certain expectations makes me...I don't know...giddy. Nervous.  Excited.  Did I mention nervous?  I've been speaking with Clover about it and she gave me tons of awesome advice.  Still nervous, though.

If anyone of my readers (all 16 of you?) are in the Memphis area, please come by!  There's to be a high protocol dinner beforehand and a funtimes play party afterwards.  We'll also be vending some of our rope...because...we have to pay for this trip somehow :D

A Little Known Skill Called 'Bottoming'

I've been spending the last few weeks trying to get excited about education in the kink world.  Right before Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, I spent a solid hour thumbing through the presenters and seeing what classes were being offered.  After DO:WF, I spent a few minutes trying to see if Shibaricon had their class list up.

Instead of excitement for new learning and furthering myself in kink, I got a serious case of the crankies.

Most skill based classes (i.e. Basics of Needle Play, Electrical Play, Intermediate Bondage etc) only ever talk about the skill from the Top side.  How to handle a needle, how to zap someone properly, a cool new tie.  Requirements for anything above beginner classes always have requirements...of the Top.  There's almost no mention of the bottom, as if they aren't even a part of the equation.

News flash: I am not replaceable and I am a huge part of the equation.  Maybe even the biggest part of the equation.

The kink world has spent so much time putting emphasis on Top skills that it often forgets that bottoming is a skill.  It's a skill that can be taught in class and gained through experiment.  It's a skill that, sadly, no one really teaches.  Most classes are geared towards Tops and when bottoms attend, they just kind of push them wherever they manage to fit.  In fact, with the growing rope community in this area, I notice we actually have more bottoms and switches than Tops, yet not enough education to balance that.

How am I (and others) supposed to evolve with our Tops if no one teaches us?  Are we supposed to just trial and error it and hope that as the Top grows we will, too?  And what about those bottoms who don't have a single Top, or not Top at all?  Are they just supposed to take it and hope that the Top's skill will take care of the rest?

It don't work that way.

Last year, at Shibaricon, there was a class advertised as "Advanced Transition Suspensions"  It was the first of its kind being taught at Shibaricon and, granted, there were going to be a lot of bumps.  Smartly, the educators of the class created a list of requirements for attending this class in an attempt to weed out those who weren't ready for such a complicated topic.  The problem is that each of these requirements were for the Top only.  In the end, I'm told that several bottoms had to drop out because they weren't ready for what was coming.

Now, I don't blame Shibaricon at all: it was their first time doing something of this caliber and there were going to be tons of snafus and hiccups.  It's a learning experience, right?

A lot of folks don't realize that there's a specialized set of skills needed for dynamic rope suspension bottoming: pain-processing, conditioning, stretching and, of course, communication.  and a lot of these skills carry over into other forms of bottoming.  It took me forever to piece together some semblance of what skills I needed besides communication and 'looking pretty' in rope.

I think from this point, I'm going to start blogging and recording my evolution as a bottom as to keep a record on skills I've picked up or learned that others may find helpful.  I don't want to complain without at least giving a resolution.

I also have been contacting others about the idea of teaching bottoming classes.  I'm really excited to hear their responses.

One month piercing check in

It's been a few days over a month since I decided it would be a good idea to upgrade my vagina with tons of piercings (check out my piercing review here),  The healing went extraordinarily well, especially since I didn't have any pesky problems like going to work.  I just pretty much lounged at home all week in some yoga pants and very unsexy underwear (or maybe slightly sexy underwear, depending on what mood you're currently in).

I would say the worst part of the healing was accidentally pulling healing skin and scabs back inside of yourself.  Definitely the worst on day 3.

BUT OH MAN. These things were totally worth it.  My orgasms are more intense.  Sex is incredibly hot.  and having someone go down on you and gently suck on those labia piercings? I'm getting turned on just thinking about it.

Chastity never looked hotter.  Also, pretty amped I was able to shave half-way decently around all those obstacles.

I'm a Brave Little Toaster- A Review on My Genital Piercings

The last time I was pierced I was in the second grade: I was getting my ears done.  It was not by choice: my mom thought I would look really cute with earrings and my aunts (all 15 of them) kept buying me earrings and getting upset with me for not having holes in order to wear them.  I barely remember that experience except for the feelings of nerves and excitement bubbling away in my stomach.

That’s exactly how I felt this morning when I woke up: all nerves and excitement.

For the past year or so, I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a triangle piercing (What is a triangle?).   After doing a lot of research and getting scared because almost every experience I read about said it was incredibly painful and one girl who told me she had to get it done TWICE and it still migrated, I decided to give it a shot.  It seemed like the majority of people who had theirs done fell in love with it regardless of the initial pain of the needle.

As a last minute addition, I also decided I wanted to get my labia pierced.  Daddy and I really love the look of them and my room-mate got hers done so I plied her with a million questions about the pain level and healing (“Yes, they really fucking hurt.  Good luck.”)  I originally wanted to do 3 on each side of the outer labia, 6 total, but chickened out and decided 1 on each side, 2 total, would be more than enough.  I also toyed with the idea of doing the triangle first and labia after, but the idea of having that much healing time (and no sex) was extra unappealing.  Might as well get it done all at once!

For my piercings, I went to the only man I trust: Moose B.Almighty at Time Bomb Tattoo.  Moose has a ridiculous amount of experience with genital piercings and is super professional in his work.  He checked my anatomy a few months prior to make sure I was a candidate.  After a quick inspection and a tiny anatomy lesson to all my friends who happened to be there as well, Moose declared that my anatomy would work just fine with a triangle.

The worst part is the waiting and measuring- my overactive imagination went crazy.  I imagined me crying, kicking and screaming and demanding no more.  I imagined leaving with uneven piercings or injuries.  I was worried that I would be so scared I would pee on the table and Moose.  Moose, being the awesome perfectionist he is, spent the majority of time talking to me about what was about to happen while he prepped me for piercings: he applied tons of various cleaners with q-tips, measured and marked me with one of those pens used for surgeries.  He showed me with a mirror to see if I was happy with the placement and proceeded to pierce.

We did the triangle first since it requires the most concentration and having other rings in the way would make it so much tougher.  Moose used a clamp to ensure everything was in the right place and pierced me with a 14 gauge needle.  The needle itself wasn't bad at all; the pain came from using a stretcher tool to bring the hole up to a 12 gauge for the ring.  The pain wasn't unbearable, just surprising, intense for a few seconds and a bit disconcerting to feel something stretching underneath your skin.  The triangle was quick, less than 2 minutes total to do.  Moose used a curved barbell and carefully tucked the ends of the ring into my labia folds to prevent them from getting snagged on anything.  The labia were done in the same manner, using 12-gauge needles and 10-gauge jewelry.  The jewelry used was a ring with a capture bead.

So now I’m all shiny and the labia rings clink lightly when they rub against one another.  Everything feels pretty solid at the moment.  I am walking a little strangely at the moment, but I think that’s just a mental thing.  No bleeding, no funny business, no one got peed on! Success!

The piercings feel amazing and I wish I could have sex at the moment, but Daddy says I can’t for sanitary reasons.  Daddy also said that everything only feels erotic at the moment, but once I start healing, it’ll be another story.  I’ll be sure to update.

Moose said the piercings went really smoothly, textbook even.  Of course it would, I’m a good robot- I’m technically sound :D

Here’s a picture of the piercings (photo editing done by Hamsandwich).  I have to spread the lips a bit so you can see the triangle- it’s pretty hidden normally.