30 Days of Kink, take 2, Day 17.

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?


Oh man…the misconceptions….THE MISCONCEPTIONS! Where do I even begin? Here is a list of misconceptions, feel free to add to this in the comments. I’ll probably keep adding to this as I see fit.

• People who engage in BDSM have psychological problems. This is so wrong on so many levels. A lot of Narwhals believe that those who identify as Master/Dominants/Tops are abusive and look for those who are weaker in order to take advantage of them and that those who identify as slaves/submissives/bottoms have a long history of abuse and tend to be push-overs. While these do exist, they majority of people you’ll meet that engage in BDSM are absolutely normal. In some ways, they are even healthier psychologically: they are able to express their sexuality and needs. Most people cannot claim that. Another myth that tends to go hand in hand with this is that those in BDSM tend to abuse drugs and alcohol. I can honestly say that at any BDSM event I’ve attended, I have never seen someone over-indulge in alcohol to the point of being drunk. Drugs are pretty much frowned upon and are strictly prohibited at events. I strongly believe that if you need drugs or alcohol in order to play or engage in BDSM, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

• All Males are Masters, all females are slaves. Ah, if you were to believe everything you see in movies, internet, and books, all BDSM relationships are hetero normative and the male is always the dominant and the female is always the submissive. This could NOT be further from the truth. The BDSM community has a healthy mix of non-hetero normative groups and couples. A few months ago, one of my favorite tumblrs featured a lesbian couple who were engaged in a power exchange relationship. I thought it was fantastically hot. Also, the internet and books would have you believe that all females in situations like this will default to being the slave. SO MUCH BS. A fair amount of those who identify as women connect more to being a Top or Dom(me). and lets not forget about switches :) They are super prevalent in the community as well.

 • BDSM is all about hurting someone. When ‘BDSM’ is mentioned, most images conjured by the mind are dark, dank dungeons, beating someone until they cry, and sex. BDSM is so much more than that; it can be a power exchange, it can be a lifestyle, and it can be completely non-sexual. My friend, EroticWetAtomic, can attest to this; she has a power exchange relationship with her fiance, but there is very little play, meaning she doesn’t get whipped or beaten by him. BDSM, to me, isn’t about pain or suffering, it’s more about the power exchange that occurs. I personally do not love being beaten - I mean, I like a good whipping every now and then and I find bruises to be sexy, but I am not typically one to enjoy being paddled or spanked. I also tend to Top in a way that is more stressful than painful. There’s also a spiritual aspect to kink (aka woo). I don’t know much about woo, but I know it’s there and very real for some kinksters.

How DNA Taught me to be a Better Person (Robot?)

I remember being in 6^th grade and learning about DNA for the first time; I was watching Jurassic Park.  Dinosaurs were made of DNA.  I’m made of DNA.  If I take DNA from a mosquito, stick it in a frog egg, I can make dinosaurs! ...What the hell is DNA?

Fast forward through middle school and high school and I finally learn what DNA is from general Biology courses. DNA is a genetic blueprint. DNA eventually makes RNA which makes proteins.  Watson and Crick.  Central Dogma.  DNA to RNA to protein.  DNA to RNA to protein.  This is how it is.  This is always how it is; it goes in this direction and only this direction.  It’s predictable and understandable.  Still unsure of how to make dinosaurs from mosquitos and frogs’ eggs, but I’m sure college will tell me.

Imagine the confusion of me going to college and learning that it’s not that simple.  That RNA can make DNA.  Or that RNA can make RNA.  After all those years of things being a certain way, it’s suddenly not that way anymore.  Oh, and it’s pretty much impossible to make dinosaurs from mosquitos and frogs (which I guess is a bonus for me because I’m absolutely terrified of frogs.)

At this point, I realized I have two options: I can both ignore this fact and continue to only believe in The Central Dogma (DNA to RNA to protein) and be stuck in this outdated way of thinking or I can learn the rest of the story.  Knowing I wouldn’t get very far as a Scientist without being open-minded, I read the research articles, took the classes, and replicated the experiments.

Maybe for the first year or so, I would still pause in the middle of whatever I was doing and think, “Hey man, this can’t be right…the Central Dogma says…oh…riiiiight….”  I’d draw the Central Dogma out and then doodle frowny faces around it because I felt like I had been lied to.  I threw away my Jurassic Park VHS away in a fit of anger (Okay, so I threw that away with the advent of DVDs, but you catch my drift….).  I eventually learned and figured it out with practice and patience.  Plus, I learned a lot of awesome things (“I use miRNA to silence mRNAs.  It’s like RNA blackmail,” and “HIV uses reverse transcriptase to FUCK SHIT UP,” are among the awesome things I can now claim I know.)

Nowadays, when I talk about DNA, I don’t automatically go, “Ah, DNA to RNA to protein!” I mean, that’s still in the back of my head, but I know that isn’t the whole story.  I know that proteins can modify proteins.  I know that there are viruses that are only RNA.  Epigenetics alters gene expression without ever changing the blue-print.  I know the flow of genetic information isn’t a straight line; there are millions of lines, many of which I may never learn about, see, or experience.  And that’s okay.

But why just stop at DNA?

I realized that a lot of things I thought I knew or understood were only a part of the whole story.  My definitions of things, while not necessarily inaccurate, may not be someone else’s definition.  There are millions of ways to do one thing, not just the one “right" way.  There may be things I won’t ever learn, see, or experience.  And that’s okay, as long as I keep an open mind and a willingness to learn.

Still no dinosaur, yet, though. 

What's in Store for 2013?

Happy New Years, readers :)

I can't believe it's already a new year, 2012 seemed so short.  I guess I'm one of those rare few who really enjoyed 2012:  I spent it with an amazing Daddy, friends, pups.  Plus, I graduated :D  My relationship with my family has been strengthening everyday- what was not to love?  I have some amazing expectations for 2013 now.

Daddy requested that I write a list of goals I would like to accomplish in 2013.  He doesn't believe in resolutions at the beginning of the new year, but he does believe in setting goals and how I plan on achieving them.

• Get healthy: I started prepping for Tough Mudder prior to the holidays, which was probably a mistake.  Holidays aren't meant for being healthy and now that the holidays are over, I feel gross.  I've already started cleaning up my diet and exercising again- I need to get back on track for Tough Mudder.
• Work on rope things: As a rope Top, I want to work on my muscle memory, fluidity, and creativity. I think I've come a long way from when I started, but I still have tons of work to do.  Also, I don't want to be that rope Top that is only good at one thing: elevator rides.  I want people think stop and think, "Oh, I really want her to play with me!" and not just "I want her to suspend me."  As a rope bottom, I want to increase my flexibility and work on pain processing.  My goal is to someday be as good a rope bottom as Clover or La Gorgone.
• Work on deep-throating:  Before I met Daddy, I assumed I was good at giving head, or that what I lacked in skill, I made up with enthusiasm.  This apparently isn't true whatsoever; I have no talent deep-throating and it's something I'd like to work on.  I want to be able to work through my gag reflex.  I don't necessarily want to lose it, but I would like to not freak out when it happens.
• Be more active in the community:   When I first joined the kinky community, I was everywhere.  I stuck in fingers in all the pies and tried to be as active as possible.  Now that life has kicked in (school, pups, work, relationships) I've really backed out of the community.  I would like to come back and help out as much as possible.  The community gave so much to me already and I would love to give back.

The Kraken's Lair is also throwing a monthly party.  I think the premise is that each month, we'll be bringing in one unique piece of equipment/device/furniture for everyone to try out.  This month, we're bringing in a fully customizable bondage floor.  You can literally bolt your bottom in any position you can imagine.  I'm not really sure where Sir Ron comes up with this stuff, but it's always amazing.  He recently stained the floors, so they look amazing right now.  Can't wait.

For now, I'll continue to enjoy my funemployment. ;)

Propsal

Since I don't have any classes to attend EVER AGAIN (Yes, I officially graduated Dec 21st!)  I figured now would be a good time to upload that ridiculous video of my engagement here for those who don't have a paid Fetlife account.  I actually hate this video because of my own derpiness, but everyone says it's sickeningly cute.  Enjoy!

30 Days of Kink, Take Two, Day 5.

I always start these things and forget about them. I swear, I’ll get around to answering all of these questions someday.

 Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to happen.

(triggers for non-consent) My first kinky sexual experience, eh? Oh man, looks like we’re going to have to dig through a lot of memories. Back when I was just a wee little baby naga bot, I used to date men that were much older than me. In retrospect, it was definitely not a good thing for either of us; I wasn’t emotionally mature and he was…obviously an adult who didn’t have qualms about banging a 16 year old. But that’s not the point of this. I spent most of my time in his bunker (he was in the military) and we would spend most his days off fucking, sleeping and occasionally eating. He was always a rough lover, but that worked out to his benefit - I wasn’t one for gentle sex. At this point in my life, I knew that I was kinky, but had assumed that most people weren’t and I would have to settle with slightly rough-ish vanilla sex. He definitely proved me wrong. I was in his bathroom, naked, brushing my teeth, when he barged in and threw me in the shower. I was so surprised that I didn’t put up a fight when he pushed down his boxers and peed on me. He laughed and went back to bed, while I just sat, urine soaked in his bathtub, tears beginning to form in my eyes. And before you say it, I didn't LET him pee on me, he forced me. I'm a small girl and, at the time, I was probably only about 110 lbs. Even if I had tried to fight back, I was much too small to do anything. I had a multitude of emotions run through me: anger, embarrassment, sadness but what hit me the hardest was excitement. In the end, I wasn't as angry or upset with him for peeing on me, but rather that he did it without consent. Consent became a huge concept for me and I realize that I didn’t want just anyone to use me, I wanted it to be with someone I could trust and that truly cared about me. We both knew that our relationship wouldn’t last because of the age difference, but the lack of consent really pushed it for me and I stopped seeing him promptly afterward. I’m not sure I ever really explained it to him since I was just a kid with poor communication skills. As far as I know, he probably just thinks I freaked out because he peed on me, which is only a half truth.

The Kraken's Lair

Last night, Daddy and Sir Ron threw a small, private play party in lieu of the whole DCD fiasco.  Sir Ron, in some kind of manic episode, cranked out several really innovative devices for play and since DCD is no longer a thing, we didn't have to haul everything from one location to another; instead, Daddy and Ron had to figure out how to arrange everything inside Sir Ron's beautiful row home.

The night went wonderfully.  I think I enjoy smaller crowds of more intimate friends much more than crazy big play parties that the local community seems to treasure so much.  The only thing I do regret is not being able to watch girlcrush get her head straight-razored.  

Speaking of girlcrush, I have a date with her on Monday! A legit date.  and I don't have anything to wear ;/

Anyways, back to last night...

Long story short, here's a picture of a bruise above my nipple.  I'm not sure who did it or what was done to get it there, but I like it.

Diets. Lifestyles, Dungeons

Earlier this week, I had written a fairly long, slightly angry, wholly depressing blog about being jealous of a girl I had met last year and how that had manifested into this big crazy thing in which I ended up hating myself, getting depressed and getting "fat".  I put fat in quotes because I know I am far from what the actual idea of overweight looks like...well, to most Americans.  Maybe not by Daddy's standards.  I have gained something like 5 lbs in the last few months.  I know that 5 lbs doesn't seem like much, but when you aren't very big to begin with, it's really noticeable.  Rather than subject you to the whining (plus, I'm not sure if said girl follows my blog, but it could be potentially awkward if she were to read it and understand the love-hate-love-hate I feel for her, someone I barely know) I started to overhaul my diet and exercise routines.  No more grains, no more sugars, no more fun at all.  Basically, my drug-free, (mostly) alcohol-free existence is now also carb-free.

It's going on to Day 3 of lifestyle change and my entire body aches.  I have ran a total of 6 miles so far, adding another 3 today.  I've also done more than 2 hours of yoga and rock climbing.  I'm pretty sure my hair hurts, that's how out of shape I am.

I had forgotten how much I hate salads and a brief talk with Issa and Moco mentioning how much they wanted Taco Bell made me momentarily hate them.  Don't they know fun foods are the enemy?  I've been living off fruits, vegetables and nuts/seeds.  I feel like some kind of rodent.  Especially because I'm on a treadmill for 30 minutes a day, running in place, Dieselboy blaring in my ears while I stare, gaping like a stunned trout, at a silenced TV.

I'll probably update the whole healthy lifestyle thing periodically.  and I probably should include pictures! but it's 7:30 am and not in the mood to get out of bed.  I'll start doing the picture thing sometime this afternoon. 

All I want for Christmas is an inquisition...image from the internet somewhere

This Friday was supposed to be Daddy's Party and DC Dungeon.  Lovingly named "Pipechairs and Pears" for device bondage and the Pear of Anguish, this was to be one of the more intense parties in the area. Hard bondage, hard torture, similar to a set of Insex.  Sir Ron even built a wild amount of furniture and devices for play.  It was going to be amazing.  But no, it's not going to happen.

DCDungeon made the grand announcement that it's moving locations!  It's gotten so big and popular that it needs a new space.  Can't wait, it's going to be great!  But where is this new space?  IT DOESN'T EXIST YET.  In order to operate a (legal) play space, a fuck ton of paperwork and permits are needed (ask Uncle Frazier, the owner of The Crucible.)  So, how can we throw a party in a dungeon that no longer exists? Oh right, we can't. Mega-burn ;/ We (as in Sir Ron) dropped a lot of money into making new furniture and devices and now we have to way to find a new location.  The worst part about all of this is people are going to associate the party cancellation with us and not the play space due to how they made their announcement. Thanksssssssssss. DCD.